Mother's Day one year later

It is really hard to put words on my heart today. How do I even begin to describe the life change that was birthed into my arms a year ago through my precious Libi Faith Jia Qi.

I go back in my mind and revisit the day...

Butterflies were not even the word for what I felt in my stomach that morning. I physically shook ALL day! The peace that God brought just before we went to meet our little girl was amazing. We were in our hotel room and prayed with our sweet friends the Braniff's, who were about to meet their daughter as well. I was so aware of the life change that was about to take place for my little girl, but so unaware of the life change that was about to take place in me. I was looking out the window of our room when I saw a woman step out of a car with a little girl cradled in her arms. She was in pink, and she had pink shoes. I could not see her face, just enough to see it was a girl, and KNEW it had to be my precious Libi! I recorded this scripture passage in my journal:

And you (Zhang Jia Qi) will be called by a NEW name (Libi Faith Jia Qi Arnold) Which the mouth of the Lord has designated. You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. it will no longer be said to you, "Forsaken", nor to your land will it any longer be said, "Desolate"; but you (Libi Faith) will be called, "My delight is in her."

Isaiah 62:2-4

The phone rang and we were told, "Your girl is here." I think I pretty much sprinted to the elevator. I was in that room so fast Brad did not have time to give video instruction to our friends. It was unbelievable to lay eyes on my daughter in the flesh for the first time. How beautiful she was! That sweet creamy white skin of hers, and those big brown eyes. Looking back on it now I see how stressed she was! She was very verbal, making noises...not like we have ever heard her do since. She was also arching her back a lot and just very stiff and rigid.

I remember the directors of her orphanage watching me with her and whispering back and forth. I am confident that there was concern in the room. The concern being that we would choose to abandon the adoption. There are a lot of reasons we know this now, but let me tell you, that thought, NEVER entered our minds! Was Libi how we "expected" her to be? No. The reality of her delays and challenges were overwhelming. Did I think I could handle it? No. Would it be easy for our family or for our children? No. The truth is, she was my daughter. I loved her. She was chosen for us and I have a Heavenly Father that thoroughly equips me for every good work He calls me to. He hadn't just called me to be her mama, He had created me for it!

We were very unaware at that time that many orphans are twice abandoned. This is something that I think I will always wrestle with and always advocte on behalf of. Who are we to "choose"? I will be the first to admit that in this world of adoption there are areas of control that can be very dangerous. Areas where we are tempted to choose under the thought process of what we can handle, what we want, and at times, what we think will be easy. I believe we can take those areas of control and make our checklist and ask God to work within it. I can't be silent on this issue, simply because we feel so strongly that so many of these twice abandoned children are the greatest abandoned blessings of peoples lives!

Yesterday, I was out to eat with my parents for Mother's Day. It was a very nice place to eat, linen table clothes...a place of elegance that women enjoy. There was a mom at a table across from me with her special needs son. My guess is that he was probably in his 30's. He was non-verbal and unable to feed himself. The sweet communication at that table was overwhelming nothing could be heard in spoken word, but yet, SO much was being said! That mother sat there and spoon fed her son and they exchanged smiles. She would wipe his mouth and speak so sweetly to him. You could tell that he loved his mama, but more than that...how much that mama loved her BOY!!!! I share this because, a year ago I would not have taken in that scene with the same emotion. I would have felt compassion for that mother, had a since of pity, I would have felt thankful that my children were all "healthy". What I sat there and KNEW was that mother has experienced more pride and joy over that boy than she could ever verbalize. I KNEW how thankful and blessed she felt.

Libi Faith, you have given your mama new eyes to see this world with, you have healed my heart, and I adore you, sweet girl!

Jacob, Joel and Jack, I would be a miss to not mention how my heart celebrates you today. You are such great blessed gifts to this mama! My dream to be a mother was realized in you Jacob, and you gave me something to love and care for apart from myself. That was a life change that was very necessary for me. Now, you have grown into a young man and I wish I could freeze time so that you would NEVER leave me! You exhibit more maturity at the age of 14 than I did at the age of 21 when I gave birth to you. I am thankful for you! Joel, you have been a joy to mother. You're hugs and words of love that you speak to me, make me melt, but more than that, the love that you have for your sister touches my heart so deeply. I am proud of you! Jack, there is no one in this world that makes me laugh like you do. You have been so easy. You have such a compliant spirit that blesses my heart. You are quick to serve and that is a quality that I continue to watch grow and I know the Lord will use. I am blessed by you! I am crazy about you 3, you are my BOYS, my MEN!! You made being a mama of boys so wonderful I never desired to have girls. :) You are a JOY! I love you with all my heart...

and Haddie???? well you will just have to read her blog. :)

http://www.haddiehope.bolgspot.com/