Mother's Day one year later

It is really hard to put words on my heart today. How do I even begin to describe the life change that was birthed into my arms a year ago through my precious Libi Faith Jia Qi.

I go back in my mind and revisit the day...

Butterflies were not even the word for what I felt in my stomach that morning. I physically shook ALL day! The peace that God brought just before we went to meet our little girl was amazing. We were in our hotel room and prayed with our sweet friends the Braniff's, who were about to meet their daughter as well. I was so aware of the life change that was about to take place for my little girl, but so unaware of the life change that was about to take place in me. I was looking out the window of our room when I saw a woman step out of a car with a little girl cradled in her arms. She was in pink, and she had pink shoes. I could not see her face, just enough to see it was a girl, and KNEW it had to be my precious Libi! I recorded this scripture passage in my journal:

And you (Zhang Jia Qi) will be called by a NEW name (Libi Faith Jia Qi Arnold) Which the mouth of the Lord has designated. You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. it will no longer be said to you, "Forsaken", nor to your land will it any longer be said, "Desolate"; but you (Libi Faith) will be called, "My delight is in her."

Isaiah 62:2-4

The phone rang and we were told, "Your girl is here." I think I pretty much sprinted to the elevator. I was in that room so fast Brad did not have time to give video instruction to our friends. It was unbelievable to lay eyes on my daughter in the flesh for the first time. How beautiful she was! That sweet creamy white skin of hers, and those big brown eyes. Looking back on it now I see how stressed she was! She was very verbal, making noises...not like we have ever heard her do since. She was also arching her back a lot and just very stiff and rigid.

I remember the directors of her orphanage watching me with her and whispering back and forth. I am confident that there was concern in the room. The concern being that we would choose to abandon the adoption. There are a lot of reasons we know this now, but let me tell you, that thought, NEVER entered our minds! Was Libi how we "expected" her to be? No. The reality of her delays and challenges were overwhelming. Did I think I could handle it? No. Would it be easy for our family or for our children? No. The truth is, she was my daughter. I loved her. She was chosen for us and I have a Heavenly Father that thoroughly equips me for every good work He calls me to. He hadn't just called me to be her mama, He had created me for it!

We were very unaware at that time that many orphans are twice abandoned. This is something that I think I will always wrestle with and always advocte on behalf of. Who are we to "choose"? I will be the first to admit that in this world of adoption there are areas of control that can be very dangerous. Areas where we are tempted to choose under the thought process of what we can handle, what we want, and at times, what we think will be easy. I believe we can take those areas of control and make our checklist and ask God to work within it. I can't be silent on this issue, simply because we feel so strongly that so many of these twice abandoned children are the greatest abandoned blessings of peoples lives!

Yesterday, I was out to eat with my parents for Mother's Day. It was a very nice place to eat, linen table clothes...a place of elegance that women enjoy. There was a mom at a table across from me with her special needs son. My guess is that he was probably in his 30's. He was non-verbal and unable to feed himself. The sweet communication at that table was overwhelming nothing could be heard in spoken word, but yet, SO much was being said! That mother sat there and spoon fed her son and they exchanged smiles. She would wipe his mouth and speak so sweetly to him. You could tell that he loved his mama, but more than that...how much that mama loved her BOY!!!! I share this because, a year ago I would not have taken in that scene with the same emotion. I would have felt compassion for that mother, had a since of pity, I would have felt thankful that my children were all "healthy". What I sat there and KNEW was that mother has experienced more pride and joy over that boy than she could ever verbalize. I KNEW how thankful and blessed she felt.

Libi Faith, you have given your mama new eyes to see this world with, you have healed my heart, and I adore you, sweet girl!

Jacob, Joel and Jack, I would be a miss to not mention how my heart celebrates you today. You are such great blessed gifts to this mama! My dream to be a mother was realized in you Jacob, and you gave me something to love and care for apart from myself. That was a life change that was very necessary for me. Now, you have grown into a young man and I wish I could freeze time so that you would NEVER leave me! You exhibit more maturity at the age of 14 than I did at the age of 21 when I gave birth to you. I am thankful for you! Joel, you have been a joy to mother. You're hugs and words of love that you speak to me, make me melt, but more than that, the love that you have for your sister touches my heart so deeply. I am proud of you! Jack, there is no one in this world that makes me laugh like you do. You have been so easy. You have such a compliant spirit that blesses my heart. You are quick to serve and that is a quality that I continue to watch grow and I know the Lord will use. I am blessed by you! I am crazy about you 3, you are my BOYS, my MEN!! You made being a mama of boys so wonderful I never desired to have girls. :) You are a JOY! I love you with all my heart...

and Haddie???? well you will just have to read her blog. :)

http://www.haddiehope.bolgspot.com/

A Moment

Have you heard that song by Steven Curtis Chapman?

catch it on youtube here if you want
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rResKXjKqjQ

It's time for letting go
All of our "if onlies"
Cause we don't have a time machine

And even if we did
Would we really want to use it
Would we really want to go change everything

Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

There's only One who knows
What's really out there waiting
And all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He's out there waiting
To Him the future's history

And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
Let them soften your heart

And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go
Let it go, yeah
You gotta let it go

And listen to your heartbeat

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now (here and now)
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle
Of the moment

There's a wonder in the here and now. It's right there in front of you. And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment.

I had one of these moments the other night. Our boys finally received their Christmas present! When you order a basketball hoop in the middle of the winter it can be a LONG wait. The hoop was finally installed the other night. The boys were all home and they all had an unusual amount of homework that night. We had been talking to them about finishing the year well at school and they have really started to put forth great effort. I could see how anxious they were to just get out on the driveway and begin to shoot around, but not one of them asked me for a break. Of course, this mama told them to go out and enjoy it! Libi and I were up in her room watching her big brothers break in the basketball hoop. It was a glorious evening outside!! Libi could hardly contain her excitement watching the boys from her bedroom window. The boys would toss the ball up in the air right past her window and she would clap and squeal with delight. It was one of those moments as a mom, when you feel so very blessed. I just had to step back and let the Lord know that I do not deserve these awesome kids! They are a joy and delight to me. Then, I thought about this sweet blessing waiting for all of us in China...another blessing I have yet to meet...OVERWHELMING!

So, I encourage you today, what is it in your day today that is just a little sweet moment that is loaded with so much blessing that you need to stop and breathe it in? Do it, stop, thank your Maker and King who blesses you with every good and perfect gift in your life.

Happy Birthday Libi - Part 3

Okay, I know this is getting a little carried away, but I think 3 posts for a 3rd birthday is just fine, don't you?

We had the JOY of celebrating Libi's b-day with family this last weekend. It was a great celebration of this sweet little girl that has changed our lives! She enjoyed the party. her day started with some roses from her daddy. She was more impressed with them than we thought she would be. She kept smiling and grabbing them. She even pulled the whole vast over on herself...that was fun! She enjoyed opening her presents. This was a first. She has had presents before, but not really tried to pull paper or pay much attention to what it was. This time she was practicaly putting her whole body into those gift bags, trying to pull out the prize inside. I do beleive the highlight of the day was the cake. With Libi, this is no surprise. The girl just loves food, and she especialy loves sweets!

It was very emotional to celebrate this "first" with Libi. To be with her on such a special day for the first time was so wonderful. We are quickly approaching our one year anniversary of the day she was birthed into our arms. It seems like it wasn't that long ago, yet I feel that she has always been with me. I will never get over the wonder of adoptive love. Stay tuned for a post on May 12th!!!